I have never been to an AA meeting or anything like that. I know that talking about the problem is a major part of the recovery.

So I am wondering if you have discussed your usage / addiction / attempt to stop with your significant other.

I want to tell my wife but I don't want her to judge me negatively (even that I deserve it). After 4 failed ankle and leg surgeries, she is well aware of my pain issues but I don't know how she would accept me going out on my own and self treating with narcotic pain medicines. She is one who believes that the local doctor knows best.

I don't want her to look at me for the rest of my life as an addict, a user and always questioning - is he using again? I don't want her freaking out if the doctor perscribes me cough medicine or pain medicine if I have another surgery.

My wife and I are very, very close. She is my best friend and I know that in the end, she would understand.

So, bottom line, have you told your spouse?

How did it go?

What do you recommend?


By the way, I have been taking 10/325 for 6 months. I just wanted to try it for my RSD in my right leg. It helped my pain enourmously, but I also liked the "effect" too much to continue. I have not taken for 8 days as of today. I am struggling some and just feel that her encouragement might help me. There is just so much negative that could come from telling her that I am not sure it is worth it...

for better and for worse, in sickness and in health.
I have been completely upfront with my husband regarding my pain and my seeking treatment in an alternative forum. He disagrees, he said I should do what the doctor says, but I am free to make my own choices and there are no secrets. He knows what I'm doing and why I have to do it. We just don't discuss it much. I've also seen the history on our computer and know that he has been looking at OPs. I don't know if he is looking for himself, no health issues that I'm aware of, or if he's looking to see what I'm "getting in to."
If you and your wife are best friends the way you say you are, then you both will make it through this. She may feel a bit betrayed because you have been keeping a secret, but I think she'll open up and look at the bigger issue...your pain.
I have only been married for about two months. (so I'm still new at this!!)We have said no matter how ugly or bad or unnerving....we will have no secrets, the secrets are what tear couples apart.
I wish you good luck and I think you'll feel better once you tell her.

For better or worse, in sickness and in health...

You are correct.

Now, how do I bring it up?

That's something you'll have to determine. I don't know yours or your wife's personality, how she's likely to react...I dunno!

If there was something important I needed to talk to J about, I would shoot him an email saying that I need to talk to him tonight, could he please set aside an hour for this.

Think about this way CMH, how's she going to react if she finds out on her own before you tell her. How many times have we all fretted over something and then when it comes to pass it's never as bad as we thought it would be. Your obviously worried about it big time. Set her down, spill it and get this monkey off your back.

My husband has always known but it wasn't until the end where I was taking 20 a day that I began to pull away from him. It was nothing he did. I was so ashamed of what I had become. To make matters worse, my husband blamed himself. He thought I wasn't happy. He didn't understand why I needed to escape reality when he has given me the world on a platter. He wanted to fix me and he had a hard time accepting that he couldn't. I thought it would spare him pain by refusing to tell him I was taking up to 20 pills a day but it was the opposite, I just hurt him more. I guess I can see his point, if he was having a serious problem and refused to let me in on the details I would be very hurt. Man, It was such a relief to just lay it all out on the table. It was like he began to carry half my load. He said it hurt but he just wants to be there for me and see me get better.
It's funny that you ask tonight, when I got home today he had left me a long letter telling me that he can tell what I'm doing is very hard for me and he wants me to know that he loves me no matter what I do. He said he wants to be a part of this journey but he can't unless I let him in. He reminded me as he always does, that he can't read my mind. So now I'm thinking I must be shutting down again.
I think you will be surprised on the support you will get from your wife. You may be surprised on how much she may already know. Either way.....tell her! It will only bring you closer and you will regret it took you so long. Good luck!

She knew because she is also a pain sufferer.

However, she did not know how much I was taking.

I figured the only way I was going to do this
right was to be honest with her. She thought I
only took 2 a day (tops). When I told her, she
looked so upset but understood very well.

That next day, I took nothing.

SpaceCowBoy

My girlfriend knew how bad my usage had become after a surgery this spring and I had ask her to bring my bottle of pills to the hosptital because the pain meds they were giving me were not keeping me out of WD.

She hung with me and asked me to get help for months after that. The day I told her I was going on Sub treatment is the day she left. Take it for what you want.

Considering the best thing in my life right now is that I am in rehab pretty much sucks.